multi-media journalist

Sometimes I have these inflated ambitions to become what a friend calls a multi-media journalist. I guess rock whore is really more accurate. Then I realize that I haven’t even got one Lamasil deficient big toe in the cesspool yet and already there are five CD’s sitting around my house waiting for me to formulate an opinion of their relative worth. Will they make you want to drink the kool-aid, will they cause synaptic misfires that will render you helpless and twitching for days, or will they blandly fester into an infectious boredom that will render you catatonic. Fuck! I don’t know. What do you want from me?

I DO like getting free CD’s and sometimes I even like the music. Only rarely though. If I’m lucky, I might get a decent jewel case out of the deal.

I have heard it said that every music journalist is really a frustrated rock goddog (or goddess) that is far too geeky and average to strut anything, let alone his “stuff”. It’s probably true, it is in my case. So, Mr. Presspass is left out on an island, devoid of even one scrawny coconut palm because the slightest little turn of a phrase, the most innocent whisper of criticism will send the “artiste” into a tailspin of anger and rejection. Is that what I want?

For reasons that are not entirely clear to me, I seem to have a peculiar talent for saying the wrong thing. Here I am going out of my fucking way to give your little 5 inch platter a proper go but to you; any thing less than “this shit fucking rocks!!!” pisses you off. So what can I say?

See, I frankly don’t give a fuck what your song is about. I don’t even care if you sing on key. I don’t care if you can tune a guitar or tuna fish. It doesn’t matter a bit to me if you have learned all of your diminished augmentations, your augmented dimensions, your minor sevenths or your pizzicato. Is this real? Do you feeeeel it?

I was reading a review of , I think, the 5,6,7,8’s and the scribe was apologizing for saying that for years now rock ‘n’ roll has been suffering from being too damned smart. There was no need to apologize. We are way too short on dumb fun. Nobody has a sense of humor anymore. Everyone is so serious about their “art”. Fuck art, let’s rock 'n' roll.